If you’re laughing at the Coast Guard, you at least know we’re there. I call that progress.
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Hello and welcome to our segment on making fun of the military! Today, I’ll show you how to get under the skin of every military branch! / I’ll skip the Navy, since I’m pretty sure they’re only here while Maytag fixes their ship / The LCS is a fine vessel / Oh, and why is the Army here? Did the Marine Corps need someone to hold their beer while they invade a place? / Aw. / Heh. / You look hungry, Marine. Have some crayons! / Yeah, I could– Hey! / And I’m so glad we have the Air Force with us. The perfect defense if North Korea ever builds an intercontinental ballistic golf ball! / They could never make that shot / Well, that’s our show! Thanks for watching! / Wait, what about–? / Join us tomorrow when we discuss the nation’s most-forgotten uniformed branch: the Public Health Service! / You forgot–! / Oh God damn you!