The Claw of Knowledge

Source Material

Mon, 27 Jul 2026 12:00:00 +0000

A soldier returns home from deployment to find everyone hitting on his wife? What a cliche!

Night Orders

Thu, 23 Jul 2026 12:00:00 +0000

Technically, it’s the deck

Odyssey

Thu, 25 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000

I’m not sure it actually took Odysseus ten years to get back home, because I know that’s about how long any patrol feels

Special Operations

Wed, 10 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000

With Coast Guard Special Operations, you’re saved before you even know you’re drowning

Half Life

Mon, 01 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000

Avada Kaffinavra

Carl

Wed, 13 May 2026 12:00:00 +0000

Now go out there and save, save save!

Coverup

Mon, 11 May 2026 12:00:00 +0000

The Coast Guard is the most secretive agency in history. No one realizes we exist

Longest Shutdown

Wed, 22 Apr 2026 12:16:00 +0000

Congrats! The Coast Guard has set the record for longest shutdown three times! I feel like that deserves a medal, don’t you?

Backpay

Wed, 11 Mar 2026 13:42:00 +0000

Wait, the rest of you get paid when you do work?

Excepted Activity

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 13:53:00 +0000

Due to a lapse in appropriations, you’d better duck

Do It For Free (2026)

Thu, 26 Feb 2026 13:46:00 +0000

We didn’t sign up because of the money. So, good news!

Normal

Mon, 23 Feb 2026 00:26:00 +0000

What?! Other branches are getting more money than us?! I’m shocked!!

Shut It Down

Thu, 19 Feb 2026 14:53:00 +0000

For everyone furiously typing a reply: we actually do the opposite. That’s the joke

Shutdown Valentine

Sat, 14 Feb 2026 17:09:00 +0000

Remember, Coasties: if you forgot to plan something for Valentine’s Day, just claim it was cancelled due to a lapse in appropriations

Off and On

Sun, 01 Feb 2026 23:59:00 +0000

Think that’ll fix it?

Email

Wed, 28 Jan 2026 16:15:00 +0000

Sorry I didn’t respond to your email. I was doing a real job

Pure Colombian

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 12:05:00 +0000

“Chief got some hot intel and also his mug looks empty.”

Bomber

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 15:12:00 +0000

Not today, Russia!

Official Record

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 16:46:00 +0000

Happy New Year! Remember that your bad New Year’s log poetry is an official record attached to your name forever! 🎇

Santerdiction

Wed, 24 Dec 2025 15:55:00 +0000

Merry Christmas, and I hope your presents aren’t interdicted this year