We read the Declaration of Independence out loud in town squares every year because it’s really damn hard to understand all of that 1770s cursive. Maybe try asking Siri to read it to you
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Alright, Continental soldiers! It’s time for your annual independence-declaring refresher training! / Declaring Independence Refresher Training – July 4th, 1777 / The key part of any declaration is the fancy signature. People probably aren’t going to read the rest of it, especially if it’s written with all of those weird colonial s’s / – Denounce King of England / – Make List of Grievances / – Practice Fancy Signature / Finally, declare your independence in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible. England is very far away and may not– / Yes, very good / FWEEEEEEEE / POW!