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Happy July 4th, Coast Guard! Let’s not forget the critical role I assume we played in our war for independence!
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Coast Guard wasn’t even around during the Revolution! Another reason you’re not a real–! / Wait, you haven’t heard of the Continental Coast Guard?! / There’s no way that was a thi– / Founded in August 1775 by also Alexander Hamilton, they cleaned up after the Boston Tea Party / …ferried George Washington across the Delaware… / …and cited the British for not having enough lifejackets when they tried to flee Yorktown / None of that is real! / Neither is your founding date, Navy / [crates: Ol’ Tea Innit]